Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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