Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I understand Curling. That high.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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