i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I will be naked everywhere
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
is it fun? or sober?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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