He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There r osticjed everywhere
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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