can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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