My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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