my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
