She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
