I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Everything about him screamed your future.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize