My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You left your phone here
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