i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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