So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
