I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
