Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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