The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
