tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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