just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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