Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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