Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
