I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize