She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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