If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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