ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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