he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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