Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
