your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
