apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
