I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
