is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
