he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
