I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
