i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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