3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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