She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
