i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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