I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
