Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
