Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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