I want to stick my p in your. b.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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