This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
