He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
