How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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