I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
