oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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