I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
