So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
