What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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