it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
