That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
