then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize