im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
