dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
