I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
