She's JV to your varsity
I think my vagina is haunted
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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