don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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