We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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