you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
