Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
