All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
