i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
