I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
