Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
