so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
