what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
