my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
