If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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