someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
