im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
