Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
