He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
